The waves will wash us away

I remember the night Ellen came out on her TV show in front of millions of people. My mom and her girlfriend were big Ellen fans and we watched the show religiously. After the episode went off that night I was left with the sensation of a bomb having just exploded before my eyes and waiting for the fallout. Strangely, it never came. At least, not that I was aware of.

For me it seemed as though that was the beginning of this tidal wave that is currently descending upon society at the present moment. The onslaught of pushing homosexuality and alternative lifestyles into every nook and cranny is suffocating. I think that should speak volumes coming from a child raised by lesbians. From gay pride flags at military celebrations to smut mags at the grocery stores, homosexuality is being thrown up all over the place. While I agree that no one should be treated badly for their lifestyle, especially to the point of violence, is this really the only way? Have we not blown past tolerance and are now being forced into acceptance? And how does forced acceptance change anything?

Once I moved out on my own I was removed from the daily reminder of being different and the constant worries of being judged for something out of my control. As the prevalence of homosexuality grew, I looked the other way and pretended not to notice. Then one day in 2010 I saw an advertisement for the release of a new movie, “The Kids Are Alright.” Somehow I instinctively knew what it was about by just reading the title, and it made me tense up and my stomach turn. After looking up the synopsis for the movie I was livid, and the title of a movie making me livid, made me that much angrier.

I felt like Hollywood was trying to tell society something about me, and indeed they were, but it was something that wasn’t true. Not in my case. I didn’t feel “alright” about the way I raised. And why is it enough for the kids to just be “alright?” Why shouldn’t the kids be amazing, fantastic, or phenomenal? I get it, it’s a movie title, but still. This movie and its sketchy title were the spark that lit the activist in me. I knew right then that at some point I wanted to speak out about growing up in a homosexual home, and here I am.

I want to make it abundantly clear that I love my mother, and I have never been mistreated by her or any of her partners in an intentional way. I say intentional because being taken from a heterosexual relationship to a homosexual relationship was intentional on her part, but I know she didn’t have any clue as to the consequences it would have for me. I think my mom had a right to be happy and live the best life possible. And I think I had a right to be happy and live the best life possible. So her decision truly was a catch twenty two. Someone was going to get hurt either way, and it just so happens it was me.

I was never a part of the movement to normalize homosexuality, neither as a child, nor as an adult. My mother never gave the impression that she needed her sexual orientation normalized, and that speaks volumes to me considering we lived in a small town in east central Oklahoma. I remember seeing Gay Pride Parades on the news as a kid and thinking those people were making complete fools of themselves and I was so embarrassed by them. I would cringe at the barely dressed men dancing around like they had been on ecstasy benders for a week and behaving like they had no morals. The worst part was watching the kids, paraded around like little tiny possessions that could easily be coerced because children generally always defend their parents. I have. And even at thirty-three years old it’s terrifying speaking out and difficult because I don’t want to harm my relationship with my mother.

Which brings up an interesting subject. Am I being disrespectful to my mother by speaking out? Well let me ask you this: Do children of divorced parents disrespect their parents when they talk about how screwed up a divorce left them? No. And no one would tell them otherwise either. And yet people try to shut us up by saying we’re being disrespectful, ungrateful and that we should just be happy we had two people that loved us. I am here to say that two people that love you is simply not enough. And sometimes, depending on the circumstances, it’s harmful. Children are in the learning stage of their lives and “love” does not teach children everything they need to know about navigating this world.

It’s interesting that there are only two sexes, male and female, and that those two sexes are required to produce a child. Therefore doesn’t it make sense that the offspring of those two sexes would need both sexes that created it to be a part of raising it? People feel sympathy for children who are raised without fathers either because they had dead beat dads or their father passed away, because it’s obvious those kids are missing out on something important, but there’s no sympathy for kids who are purposefully put in a fatherless, or motherless situation where homosexuality is involved, and that’s tragic.

I know that the reality of the situation is that nothing about homosexuality being pushed into the mainstream is going to change, and with Bruce Jenner’s sex change being the story of the year, the situation is only going to get more aggressive and demanding. The assault on the female and male sexual identity is in full swing and unless more people stand up to defend the most basic elements of our human existence, we are on the precipice of losing our own human identity.

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98 thoughts on “The waves will wash us away

  1. It must have been so painful for you. If I’m allowed to ask a question, I wonder how you feel about the many parents who are gay, lesbian, or have same sex significant others, who share parenting with the bio father or bio mother, bringing up their children together, perhaps as friends or within a lavender marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, Nienna. Thank you for commenting. Each situation is so diverse that it’s hard to make a blanket statement, but I will say this, I was raised by non-femmes. In a sense, I had dads my whole life and no mother, if that makes sense. And yet butch women aren’t really true fathers either. I feel that the absolute best situation for a child is to be raised by it’s biological parents that are in a loving relationship with one another. It’s tragic that the world doesn’t value this anymore, or see it as important for children. I do commend the couples that try their best to make the situation as positive and healthy for the child or children they are raising. At least they are trying.

      Liked by 4 people

      • Oh Beware the Bio-Embargo!

        Like being PC-forced into making believe there is no diff between the sexes; switch out the few little parts, and OILA!- you have magically Franken-created your inner “othersex”.

        Because, as we all know, all sex-based differences are totally superficial and can be altered or faux-replicated by Man (or a woman making believe she is a man).

        And, that’s the “healthy” environment in which to rear healthy children – future healthy citizens. Yup.

        Liked by 1 person

      • So wonderful to read your heartfelt views. Thank you. The whole homosexual push feels so intrinsically wrong especially with regard to children and yet people that feel the way I do are demonised! The world needs more people like you to speak out and reveal the truth. It speaks volumes for the spirit behind the gay marriage movement that immense courage is needed to speak out against it. Their propaganda machine and its twisting of the truth has proved very successful.

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    • Nienna – Logic says that it would be similar to a child being raised by his/her mother and step-father due to a divorce, with the bio-father living elsewhere with shared custody. Ask any child who lives this way (there are plenty out there) how they feel about it. Or perhaps ask yourself what type of childhood you’d choose, if you had the choice — growing up with your married mother and father, or with your parents living apart and with other partners. Be honest.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Unless the parents are married to each other, (lavender marriage), living in the same house, or both single people…

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      • It is not the same thing at all and it is misleading to say it is. Divorced or separated parents usually live in separate residences and quite often are antogonistic to each other which can spill into the way they treat their children. A gay couple living together and providing a safe and loving environment as a couple is totally different. Now I get that you had issues growing up with how others saw you and thought about you and that you felt an outsider but that is a totally normal experience the same as for a young girl in a pure hetrosexual family much like being too tall, being too small, having a lisp, lots of zits etc. etc.

        This comment doesn’t alter that what you felt and still feel isn’t valid but you can’t twist it to be something it is not. Yes, had a situation that made you uncomfortable and it would seem that this has driven your view on SSM but it could well have been driven by something else. It would appear to me that you are not arguing about the family home you grew up in but how you perceived others view of that family home which is an issue with you in terms of how you deal with others judging you rather than SSM itself. Trying to spin it that a broken relationship is the same as gay marriage appears to be just an attempt to make the issue not about your own inability to deal with it.

        Is there too much pressure on the issue? I don’t know. I do know that similar views were held until relatively recently about women voting or working past marriage based on the perceived harm it would do to the “family” environment. There is always great resistance to social change but you have to ensure that resistance is not due to your own fears and uncertainties rather than the change itself.

        I am heterosexual and yet I have come across gay people from time to time and the reality is they are just like “us” and they will treat marriage and all its responsibilities just like “us”.

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    • I think it’s a mere band-aid, holding action that doesn’t address the underlying problem. It’s a kind of wishful thinking that runs contrary to basic understanding of human nature. We’re often envious and selfish and let that get away in playing nice and sharing bonding between people. Brenda is right comparing it to the complicated and emotionally treacherous and volatile situation that is a step family, which most people don’t recognize as ideal. A same-sex household qua same-sex household is always a step family. This isn’t to reflect poorly on a gay person’s parenting skills, as who you’re sexually attracted to doesn’t directly alter how adept one is at mothering or fathering.

      Liked by 2 people

      • * This isn’t to reflect poorly on a gay person’s parenting skills, as who you’re sexually attracted to doesn’t directly alter how adept one is at mothering or fathering.

        “you’re” should be replace with “one is”

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      • Modus: Your last conclusion of parenting equivalency invites a question. Should we then remove Sigmund Freud from the canon of great works?

        If a typical human child can not find useful role models for the two sexes and core parts of his own emerging sexuality from the intimate modeling of his parents then he has lost, or in the better case significantly delayed, an important developmental milestone.

        In your opinion, to whom can the developing three-year-old of SSM reliably look in this regard? Or have I misunderstood your presumption?

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      • I believe you’ve misunderstood. My point is rather modest: that, whomever you’re inclined to sleep with has little if any effect on how you consciously parent. Parenting ability is not directly a function of sexual orientation. I’m objecting to the environment of a same-sex household, not a gay parent’s skill insofar whatever their sexual proclivity is having little to no influence on how well they actively parent. I do agree that every child raised by a same-sex couple is missing a gender role model, and, in my view, is another detrimental mark against it. Does that clarify?

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      • Thanks for the helpful clarification Modus. We agree that there are few readily apparent “direct functions” in complex behavior. But I think sexual orientation does unequally influence our decisions and deliberate actions as parents, both consciously and unconsciously (Freudian sense). The outcomes of influence can be seen at the individual, family or population level.

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      • I mean, psychology is totally out of my wheelhouse. It seemed plausible to me that a person can be altruistically loving in a parenting role regardless of whom they are inclined to sleep with. Granted, you challenged this assertion and induced me to reflect that “altruistically loving in a parenting role” is a broad and vague criterion. Admittedly, again, I don’t know much of anything about psychology, and I’m more than willing to be persuaded here. It didn’t occur to me that sexual orientation “does unequally influence our decisions and deliberate actions…” What are these “outcomes of influence?” Which studies or evidence are you alluding to? I’m curious.

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      • Modus: We agree that individuals of any sexual orientation have the capacity to be altruistic and loving, as well as compassionate, protecting, caring, or empathetic. Those are admirable individual traits. But human parenting is a cooperative art involving the family dynamic and overlapping, changing social groups.

        To address your question, here is a relatively non-controversial example of how sexual orientation can unequally influence the outcome of parenting at a population level:

        The risk of an unplanned or unwanted child is almost zero for a lifelong homosexual. Heterosexuals, in contrast, have a significantly higher risk factor for unplanned pregnancy. At a population level, you’ll find unplanned pregnancy, especially with younger mothers, has undesirable outcomes for the children.

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      • I generally see what you mean, but I fail to understand how this example relates specifically to the debate whether or not same-sex couples should be “married” and be given all the hitherto responsibilities and privileges? Am I missing something or do you have another example a little more on point? Thanks.

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      • Modus: My foremost concern with SSM, especially a national standard that weakens State authorities via a SCOTUS legal moat, is the expanding placement of children into male-male parent homes before any careful study or appropriately higher due diligence. Child sexual abuse rates will be significantly higher in male-male parenting situations compared with traditional (male-female) marriage.

        That is not an argument against homosexuality; it is an argument against male-male parenting. Just as my earlier example is not an argument against heterosexuality; it is an argument against unwanted (especially teenage) pregnancy. But sexual orientation is an important factor in both behaviors. I hope that clarifies.

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      • O’Boyle,

        Thank you for your patience. We are on the same page and on the same side here. You don’t have to parse distinctions with me, though such clarity is appreciated. I do think, however, homosexuality, as a nebulous term, probably needs to be lucidly defined in this case because I think it can be easily construed to be an attack on homosexuality. Most male-male parenting situations involve a pair of two gay men. I definitely hope to run into you more around these waters.

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  2. “The Kids Are Alright” is actually a film about two angsty teenagers of lesbians desperately seeking their anonymous sperm donor and trying to kindle a father-child relationship that they didn’t have with their moms. The mothers were not encouraging of the relationship or even their children seeking the man out, but were forced to comply when the children had bonded with him.

    Call me nuts, but I don’t see how this is a iconic movie depicting how triumphant LGTB parenting is. In fact, if anything it seems to normalize genetic bewilderment, and glamorize the process keeping children away from their genetic parents and them later trying to seek them out. Its not a fun process, and most kids do not have the luxury of finding their parents’ sperm donor records and ringing up daddy on the phone to go out and ride his awesome motorcycle.

    Most kids of sperm donors spend years and years trying to find daddy and their missing siblings. Many fail, after getting their hopes up so high. For many, its a emotionally-draining, and painful process, as many feel they are running out of time. There was one donor-conceived child who’s clueless mother used multiple different men’s semen at once in one sample to increase her chances of pregnancy. When the child tried testing a handful of the men who could have possible been her father, the tests all came up negative. She was devastated and dipped into a depression. But the kids are alright right?

    Instead of the public stepping back and thinking rationally, and asking questions like: “should a child be intentionally kept from their biological parents even when they express clear longing to meet them?” or “Is it fair to have them wondering for years and years (or for the rest of their lives) who their parents are?” or “Is fair from children to be restricted for 18 years (or the their whole lives) of forming a relationship with both their paternal families? just for the benefit and comfort of the intended parents who want to raise them without the biological parent involved?” or even “How does any of this benefit the child at all, when raising children is about their happiness, and not about what the parents want?”

    But most Americans are idiots, and will mindlessly follow into the cheering crowd then step back and think about what they’re cheering for or its implications.

    I feel very similarly about the gay pride scenario and the children involved. Many of these children want to please their parents and are too young to speak up about possible concerns about wanting a mom/dad, or having half of their genes purchased, yet their moms and dads stuff them into rainbow t-shirts that say “I ❤ my mommies!" or make them hold up signs saying "I don't need a mom, I got two dads!" and idiotic liberals just encourage this on as 'progress', and dismiss/belittle any of LGTB community's children who disagree with their upbringing and berate them on how heterosexuals can be shitty parents too, (as if this justifies intentionally putting a child into a bad situation for the benefit of the caretakers who feel they're entitled to have 'something to love'). They just enabling the abuse, the shaming, and the gay-worshiping to go on. But if a christian had their children protesting abortion, then they attack the child and the parents, and argue that the child's parents are obviously using the kid like a political tool. Mmm, really?

    It furthermore deepens my detestation of how wicked both the liberal and the conservative party is, and how they leave wounded casualties in between.

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    • The effects of growing up the way we do can be brutal for some of us, and it’s so hard to get people to comprehend sometimes. It’s asking them to understand something they have never experienced in their entire life, and that’s even including our parents! My mom can’t relate to me on this issue, just like her parents couldn’t relate to her. Funny how that happens.

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      • Perhaps in your next blog entry you can explain the complexities of growing up in a lesbian household and how it differs from what you observed from your kids growing up in a Heterosexual household.

        I read your moms were both ‘bull dykes’. I wonder how you found out how to be comfortable with your femininity in a house where your only two female house models acted genderqueer and weren’t attracted to opposite sex.

        PS: what ever happened to your YouTube video ? It seems it has been privatized.

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      • In response to Brandi:
        You said:
        “The effects of growing up the way we do can be brutal for some of us”
        I’m curious…
        Why was it “brutal?”
        Thanks.
        Glenbo.

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      • It was a response to Nienna. You wrote ” I was raised by non-femmes”. Perhaps bull dykes was on the extreme end. Idk.

        >>Still, I’m wondering what happened to you YouTube vid.<<

        I read in the comments that you were going to make a video about growing up in a lesbian household so I'm not worried about that inquire anymore.

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    • @Glenbo: For me personally, not knowing my dad was brutal, being bullied at school and not fitting in anywhere was brutal, and trying to talk about all of it now can be brutal. I’ll leave it at that because some details are too personal. But some kids have had it so much worse than I have, and are aware that they were used as political favors and little else. Some were treated in ways which the mind struggles to comprehend. Some will never have the closure of knowing who their biological parent/s are and they are who I had in mind when I made the comment.

      Liked by 1 person

      • So a solid chunk of the “brutal” aspect of your childhood was caused by the fact that society was not very accepting of homosexual couples at the time and so bullied you and ensured you didn’t fit in anywhere? If I were to become an “activist” in response to the same situation, it would seem to me the logical thing to do would be to try to increase the acceptance of homosexual couples so the children of such couples are not bullied or left out.

        What you are doing instead is playing into the bullies’ hands—increasing the stigma against homosexual parents so that their children continue to be bullied in the hopes that…I’m not really sure. There won’t be homosexual parents anymore? That’s not going to happen. So you are making life worse for children of homosexual parents (not that there is necessarily anything wrong with their lives to begin with, contrary to your anecdotal account). Very odd choice of “activism”. Very queer indeed.

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  3. Reblogged this on asktheBigot and commented:
    This is my friend Brandi who was raised by lesbians but who has “come out” against Same Sex Marriage. Here she writes: “I think my mom had a right to be happy and live the best life possible. And I think I had a right to be happy and live the best life possible. So her decision truly was a catch twenty two. Someone was going to get hurt either way, and it just so happens it was me.”

    Please follow her, share her posts, and cheer her on!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Brilliant read. I really love the quote about you being in a “catch twenty-two” situation. Someone had to get hurt…and it happened to be you. So true. So powerful. Keep speaking up. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Awesome witness to the truth you experienced. Really hoping that you and your mom can understand and respect each others differences. I know you respect your mom’s right to be happy and to support what she believes in….I hope she can see your speaking out as you doing the same and not as you rejecting her. My heart and my hope goes out to both of you.

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    • Fortunately, when I told my mom about the path I have chosen to take, she was supportive. It’s been a huge blessing, to say the least! Thank you for your support and taking the time to comment!!

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  6. Thank you for speaking out. You are like a cool breeze on a hot day. I appreciate your bravery and your honesty. I want you to know that I have often felt sympathy for children who have grown up without one parent or the other because I feel as you do. Children need a father AND a mother who love them and are in their lives every single day. You are doing much good with your blog and I love everything you write. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. As I’ve watched the movement over the years I’ve often wondered about the children. I am so appreciative of those who are now speaking out and applaud you for your honesty and bravery.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Reblogged this on Dawn V. Cahill and commented:
    “It’s interesting that there are only two sexes, male and female, and that those two sexes are required to produce a child. Therefore doesn’t it make sense that the offspring of those two sexes would need both sexes that created it to be a part of raising it? People feel sympathy for children who are raised without fathers either because they had dead beat dads or their father passed away, because it’s obvious those kids are missing out on something important…”

    Like

  9. Thanks for a well written, honest and brave essay!

    Your choice of this blog is going to help others who have made it through, or are trying to make it through, the Catch-22 and other sequelae of LGBT parenting. Your courage is a ripple that can grow to make all the difference to the next generation of COGs—

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi, Brandi
    I’m Katy’s loyal opposition (in a good way.) I hope you don’t mind if I ask you a few questions. How important do you think the gender factor is as compared to other circumstances that affect a child’s well-being? ‘Differentness’ is difficult for children at any level, as fitting is tremendously important during that phase of life. The children of interracial couples probably know that better than most. I imagine the children of interracial adoptions also have a sense of differentness thrust upon them. Then there are cases of single parent adoptions, how do you feel about those?

    I also have a question regarding your gay pride comments. The gist of your post is you’re against gay marriage because of the children, but then you “cringe” for the people who participate in those celebrations. Along with a few other comments, that gives the impression your problem is with homosexuality in general, rather than a child well-being issue. Could you clarify?

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    • Hi, Mr. Merveilleux! Opposition in a good way? What a novel concept! 😉 I would love to respond to your questions in the form of an actual post. You’ve touched on something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and formulating a new post around, and that’s the gender factor. I’ll also address the gay pride parade comments. I’ll try to have it by tonight!

      Like

  11. Kudos to you for speaking out. You probably already know you might just get a tidal wave of hate at some point (I was pleasantly surprised when I saw all the supportive comments!) but just keep on telling your story. With more and more people speaking up, the sound will be deafening, and even the haters will have to stop and listen.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. excellent post Brandi! You have put into words what many of us have been wanting to say but didn’t quite know the right words.
    I’m glad I got to read your side of this ever growing societal hot topic. You have a new follower and my support!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Great Post—I think Pride week or month is hard on us. It brings up a lot of really bad memories of very ugly scary behavior. But more interestingly speaks to a pattern of using props and the way our own lives where like being floats in a sick parade or forced march.

    I suppose when children are objects used in staged show called family and that “family” is basically a mirroring game that only services to make the adults feel less empty briefly. Everything is a catch 22 and the kids loose.

    We can trace the fails. Since the whole sexual identity and the ersatz culture around it was a emotional fail and the party line and other cultural props of that did not help stave off the fact that there is a high price self centeredness. Kids become even a bigger commodity. Now we are at a point when to assert that sexual “identity” is a social or cultural construct and by extension “family” can be constructed. Except those forced into service are not actually members of a “family” they are living falsehoods as show pieces and they know it. But us pointing it out it is so mean and disrespectful but forcing other people and children to live a lie and play act is somehow not disrespectful. Go figure.

    People can’t live in falsehood especially other people’s politically motivated falsehood a delusion would be at lest emotionally authentic. Every COG knows that.

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  14. I think we might find consensus on the idea that two parents are better than a single parent, but there seems to be the idea that so long as there’s two (no matter the sex), then it’s all equal. My question for the homosexual male: Would you be sexually satisfied with two women rather than one man (and vice versa for the homosexual female)? If not, then why assume that a child would be satisfied to surrender one parent/gender in favor of two of the other?

    Liked by 2 people

  15. This is a wonderful piece, and I commend the writer for speaking out. I was once very liberal and wouldn’t have been against same-sex adoption, but as I came to see the truth of the Bible and the power of living humbly for Christ, I see that gay people need healing and help. I don’t help them or their children by pretending that they are well-balanced and without sin. I say this remembering where I was before I submitted to God. I was in a dark, sad place. I was rebellious and believed I could live any way I wanted to. I don’t believe I am better—I just believe I have found healing, and I wish everyone could find this healing. These posts need to find a large audience.

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    • I do not believe you. I think you are an impostor a LGBT or ally who leaves comments in the hope of making COGs look like some religious side show and to discredit lived experience by dripping sin and saved mumbo jumbo. You are in need of realizing that most COGs can’t spot LGBT at 1000 paces.

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    • Mary, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Sometimes COGS are very suspicious of people because we have been mistreated so badly by people who support the SSM, Please be patient with us. I’m not saying I agree with what I Can’t Even is saying, however, I can understand where they are coming from.

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  16. Pingback: Tuesday, 6/23/15 | Tipsy Teetotaler

  17. Brandi, thank you so much for writing and for sharing your story. I am acqainted with quite a few young people who were raised in similar circumstances, but they are not ready or are afraid to share their stories. I’ve watched as they’ve grown up, however, and have watched as they have had to suffer silently. They’ve been told they need to accept and celebrate their gay parent’s relationship. They’ve truly not had a voice. I hope that this is changing.

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    • Thank you, Holly. The fear is very real because when we come forward they rip us to shreds, however, the more that find the courage, the less they can say and the attacks will become less severe. We must speak out because otherwise we let down the kids that already exist, or will be created in the future, and that’s blood I don’t want on my hands. Please show the writings from myself and other COGS to them so that if nothing else they won’t feel alone.

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      • Yes we have power in numbers. And documenting and making the attacks as public as possible. That will keep us and our families safer. File police reports and reports to FBI–make sure all threats are screen shot or photographed and send them and post them far and wide–that way there is always a timeline and proof. I think in less than a year there will be so many more of us they will need a full time staff to handle “threat duty”

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  18. Dear Brandi,

    I read your story and felt like I was looking in a mirror…albeit a very unforgiving one. Thank you for speaking on behalf of those of us who share your experiences. I am you, except my mother came out in the 1960s. There are other very complicated nuances to my childhood that transcended our “odd” home – most of those dealt with selfish people making poor choices. I am glad I am not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lizzy you most certainly are not alone. Finding kids like us has made a huge difference in my life because there are certain ascents of growing up the way we do that outsider can’t understand. Having others to talk and relate to has really helped a ton. I would be happy to visit with you more if you’re up for it. Honestly, I’m dying to hear what it was like to grow up in the time frame you did. I can’t imagine.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Brandi,

        Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I have felt alone for so many years. And it’s hard to talk about because no one understands. Our society has transformed to become so tolerant (and rightfully so) of lesbian and gay marriages, that there has become a “how dare you” mentality about speaking out on this touchy subject. I would love to share my story with you,….

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  19. Just want to say that I am inspired by your courage to speak out. I cannot imagine how fragile and difficult this subject is for you yet you spoke out in hopes that it will impact and encourage people to think twice about certain things. When I was reading your piece, I felt both the pain and the joy. Thank you. I hope and pray you never give up 🙂

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    • Thank you so much, Lia. Your support means more than you’ll ever know. I always wince when I see there’s a new comment because I never know if it’ll be tearing me apart, or building me up. It’s always reassuring when they’re ones like yours 🙂

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    • Maybe you might find another supportive voice in Iceland?

      Keep scouring the globe for those who share your unfounded position!

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      • She thinks it unfounded because it is based in lived experience and not LGBT bull crap that you need a back hoe to move out the door. Or the best LGBT argument “because I say so”

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      • Hi Brandi, don’t mind the angry coward with the self-appointed hero-complex, he’s merely throwing a temper tantrum because there’s a lot of kids of gay parents publicly speaking out against same-sex parenting. He’ll get use to it.

        Couldn’t reply to you directly because of the way the thread set up 🙂

        Keep up the blog posts, plz!

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      • I just counted them up and there are more than enough COGs here that agree that same sex parenting is a fail for the kids.

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  20. Hi Brandi, I’m from México City, and first of all ¡¡ sorry for my english ¡¡ well, i really like your note, it’s a mighty testimony of how not always the T.V.; and the New ways of being are the best for all the people, i agree with you, and due to my short english, i can’t express all my thoughts, but, I wish for you and for your family, specially for your husband, because as he is the brain and protector of your home, as you are the heart of the same.

    Que Dios los bendiga enormemente, y que tú y tu esposo naveguen por este mar que cada día es mas tempestuoso, mas duro y mas difícil para todas las familias del mundo, especialmente de los matrimonios, thank you very much.

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  21. Well, everyone has it’s own history. I am a ex-actual-confused gay Christian who was raised by two straight Christian parents and can say that there are many straight parents that are just as bad as parenting as any other type, such as single parenting, or children who were raised by their relatives.
    I believe everyone person has it’s own history and not everyone had issues being raised by gay relatives. A very good example of that is this one. https://youtu.be/MT15S1DF2J0
    Let’s talk about balance.

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    • Hello,

      I am another COG and everyone has the right to discuss their experience. In your case your parents were in fact your parents. You were not forced into some pretend for the public of two mothers or some other lie. And you were not forced into a relationship with an adult who was not related and you had to do some song and dance that it was great. The person in the video is most likely paid very well for her efforts. What you do not seem to see is that yes there are bad parents but in this case their is a whole political and social movement that covers up and that is dangerous to children. Brandi by all accounts was one of the more lucky COGs. If you imagine LGBT movement cares about children you are wrong. They care about faking out the straights and role playing. Children have a right to a mother and a father and LGBT people do not have a right to other peoples kids–imagining otherwise pretty much sums up the entitlement and foreshadows the harm that is being done to kids.

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  22. Well done Brandi for having the courage to speak up. Unfortunately in the coming years there will be an avalanche of stories like yours. I agreed with your comments regarding the forced acceptance and tolerance of everything in our society now. Here in Australia the SSM debate has really picked up again, especially since Ireland passed legislation permitting SSM. And then we had the Bruce Jenner story which dominated our screens for over a week, to the point where I didn’t turn on my television. There is a clear agenda especially in the media, to force acceptance of homosexuality, transgender issues, and equal marriage rights, and to force our politicians to make changes to our laws. And anyone who doesn’t accept it or agree with it is shot down, harassed and bullied for daring to stand up for traditional values. Yes I am a Christian and I am anti gay marriage.

    Last night Katy Faust appeared live on one of our programs here and I loved hearing her speak. But what should have been a rational debate was hijacked by the rest of the panel and most of the audience who in the majority were pro gay marriage. They tried their best to shut her down. And today all the fallout in the media was very negative and hateful towards her. This is what I cant stand. Gay people think they have all the rights but we cant have our opinion at all. We are all labelled religious zealots. Why don’t we just go back a thousand years and start stoning to death all the Christians?? We are now the most persecuted group in the world. The fabric of our society has changed and it will be to our detriment.

    Brandi, keep doing what youre doing, and ignore the haters……..

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  23. I am really sorry about your dad not being in your life. Every child deserves their biological mother and father to be their loving parents. However, your anger towards and phobia of homosexuality is unhealthy for you and can be very harmful to others. That you feel homosexuality is ‘forced’ on people is clearly an emotional response to your upbringing. Again, I am sorry for that and am sure you feel that you are doing the right thing by speaking up. Sadly, your words only support hateful bigoted people who try to spread fear of people who are different to them and I suggest you stop to think about this.

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    • Laura,
      Thank you for taking the time to comment. You are absolutely right in that my view of homosexuality being forced on people stems from my upbringing. My mother taught me that it wasn’t right to force people to accept you for any reason whatsoever. She also taught me the difference between tolerance and acceptance.

      Things might be different in Australia, but right now in America we are being forced to accept homosexuality and homosexual marriage. This is highlighted by the fact that the public was not allowed to decide for itself whether or not to change the definition of marriage. It is already in the works to take away religious freedoms regarding homosexuality and anyone who doesn’t accept homosexuality is labeled a bigot, as you so adeptly pointed out. Be careful with that word; bigot. It swings both ways and the majority of people who support the homosexual agenda fit the definition as well as anyone else.

      I have friends who are gay who are aware of my stance and you might be surprised to know that there are gay people who do not support gay marriage. It’s lacking of you to read a couple of things I’ve written and make so many generalizations about me.

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      • I apologise if I was critical of you regarding your personal life and thank you for giving a generally polite response. However, I must point out that the idea you have of a ‘homosexual agenda’ is a toxic one to spread. People are indeed being forced to accept gay marriage and so they should. There is no logical reason to oppose it and it doesn’t affect straight people anyway (I am obviously not referring to you specifically here). You talk of freedoms being taken away but people are still free to believe in whatever they want and people are now free (although not in Australia yet) to marry who they want. Different people can have different views and don’t have to agree on everything but equality is non-negotiable.

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      • I am also a COG (child of gays) and I am not a Christian. You are wrong. LGBT is a toxic political movement. “Equality” is a buzz word not a value system. Right now LGBT is committing the worst human rights violations against women and children of any group in the west. This is a fact. No other group is pushing for the legalization of prostitution– a system that destroys women and children. Yep LGBT is right behind this along with human traffiking. This week a huge million dollar protistution ring in New York called “Rent A Boy” was busted. Get it? Rent A Boy. Children for sexual pleasure–Equality. Think Terry Bean founder or the HRC–(human rights, who do they think they’re kidding?) who is up on charges for having sex with a 13 year old boy. He has bought his way out of similar charges in the past. And true to form, LGBT is claiming that being arrested for breaking the law is discrimination “homophobia” they are the victims–equality. The disconnect involved in using kids (poor ones) for sexual pleasure and in general sexualizing children, and then crying victim is stunning.

        Ah but then there is more “equality” LGBT demands other peoples children as a “equality right”. There is no other group in human history that demands to be provided live humans and wombs as their right. Equality. The movement is a dangerous to the poor, to women and to children. And that does not even touch on the religious freedom issue.

        So called “marriage equality” is a lie–a really big lie. I think even people here who supported it are now starting to see how vicious and violent this movement is. They attack people, get them fired, put them out of business, they harass, blackmail, use extortion. Then they go after their children and threaten. Equality–means nothing, just some Orwellian propaganda. And this does not address the children issue. We hope that 3rd world countries see the threat of this movement. They have had time to watch the pattern–claim victimization, trawl pity, call others haters and bigots. They can see what is happening to people who fell for this. And I think moving into the future COGs will have a bigger voice. We were raised in LGBT homes we have the experience and are not brainwashed or paid. The fact is same sex marriage destroys children’s lives–“equality” . People may not see or understand the LGBT culture and community but it is not good for children–and they have zero right to demand society give them children. It does not protect children and is dangerous, “equality” . I addition they do seek to take away peoples religious freedom. I grew hearing my whole life how they were going to destroy the Christians–they are consumed by hate, and bigotry and a desire to control. It is a narcissistic anti-social dishonest movement that uses the language of civl rights to create a fiction so people imagine they are so progressive. They carefully hide the truth and anyone who speaks out is bullied, threatened, harassed and stalked. 100’s of people targeted after same sex marriage. It is far worse now for Christian and others, schools being forced to close, colleges. LGBT is destructive.

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  24. @”I can’t even”

    It’s clear (to everyone other than yourself) that you are WAY too out of touch with reality and common sense for me to bother addressing everything you wrote (scribbled?). Nothing you said would apply to even 1% of LGBTI people (who in total are around 2~3% of the population). Two things. Firstly, I live in a country (Australia) where prostitution is legal (in most states I think) but gay marriage is not. Secondly, you must have missed the part where I wrote that “Every child deserves their biological mother and father to be their loving parents.” I thought I should make that doubly clear. I am even more passionate about this (separate) issue than about gay marriage being recognised. The damage that has been done to you (“I can’t even”) is evidence (albeit anecdotal) to support this. Please don’t reply. I don’t enjoy sharing a planet with nutjobs let alone reading their bullshit firsthand.

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    • Laura, please refrain from calling people names on my blog. If you new half of what I Can’t Even has been through, both as a child, and as an adult, you would find it hard to sleep tonight. I’m curious as to how many gay people you know personally. 1 or 2? 5 or 6? I do not personally know any that espouse radical insane stuff, but I’m aware enough to know they’re out there. And not only out there, but organized and working to change the fabric of society. They are not quiet about it either just bc you haven’t heard of them doesn’t mean they don’t exist. This issue is so much bigger than I’m afraid you give it credit for being, and unfortunately, the majority of people are just like you. Also, you must realize that supporting ssm contradicts children having rights to biological parents. The two are very much incompatible.

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    • Oh was that too much truth? I only stated facts. I know LGBT likes to keep those as suppressed as possible. The New York Times and every LGBT blogger is crying “Homophobia” and “bigot” because Rent A Boy was raided for prostitution. Really now if that does not beg for sarcasm nothing does. Oh the injustice of it, the bounds of slavery and oppression OMG. Yes not handing over “boys” to gay men to have sex with is “discrimination” a civil rights violation . That little enterprise pulled in over 10 million dollars a year and had thousands of clients (I hope they get named so people can recoil and know who is who) –you sure you want to talk percents. That may not be a road you want to go down. Yes it is might generous of you to say children have a right to their own mother and father– right up there with recognizing food and water. The only group in the world that asserts otherwise are LGBT and that is just the tip of the ice-berg. Already they are demanding more of other peoples children based on marriage. They are demanding Rent Boys, for sexual pleasure, women for reproduction and the complete silencing of Christians. For such a tiny group they manage to do a lot of damage–I guess they have had help. You are free to leave the planet–ask the mothership to swing by and you up. I am not going anyplace.

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      • You seem to enjoy focussing on the most horrible of stories. You appear to want to burn down the hay stack to spite the needle. I wasn’t defending this terrible group you refer to. I was criticising you for taking one extreme example and applying it to a whole section of society. That’s right – gay people are a part of society. I’m not going anywhere either. Given your background you may not be able to accept people who are gay but thankfully most are. It’s what they deserve after all – not your shockingly unfair scaremongering. Making sure not to tick the ‘Notify me of new comments’ box this time. I’ve done my bit to try to stick up for what’s right. If you can’t be reasonable then that’s not my problem but please don’t say anything.

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  25. Your story is very interesting, Brandi, and it’s something that the public media would never much consider showing out here in the West. I keep seeing and hearing slogans from said community to be loving and tolerant, but what I find here in some of those opposing views who are commenting here and in support of SSM to be more of the hurt sort, as their vituperations towards your stance on this issue is evident. I live in Australia and I’ve been hearing all the buzz lately even though I haven’t been watching garbage TV for nearly seven years now (internet all the way!). I have quite grown up and been to a school in the Philippines that have a number of gays and far from this image of the victimised sort that’s been flashed around in the media, they’re actually the very popular kids in my classes who have hung out with these pretty girls and even with cool guys. The “bullied” image of them that I have come to hear was what I found only when I came to Australia and live here – from the Western media.

    Hey media, I have been bullied through all in my schools, too (whether from Philippines or here), from my looks, my mannerisms down to my beliefs, and I find it disgustingly manipulative that there is a group here who you wish to defend more and paint a picture of this fully-oppressed person who’s been brow-beaten for his/her identity issues as if the rest of those who suffer silently be left ignored. Not saying I want to parade my problems out in the open, but big media is painting a very skewed picture here over this certain community (that I hardly have found to be all that nice and tolerant…they’re only nice for as long as it is in their favour) that isn’t exactly what it really plays out in reality. And then add in this saccharine scenario to the media manipulation where they create this utopia of a “family” (or more like wannabe types than actual ones). Australia hasn’t exactly reconciled fully with its bloody past of ethnic cleansing yet media here as I’ve been hearing already seems so strangely enamoured by a said group fighting for their sexual preferences to get recognised (and pushed down on our throats until we bleed to agree with them), who think their oppression should deserve more attention than anyone else (this is according to hearing it from people who have suddenly not been watching television due to this dictatorial media). I find it unsurprising there. Most that I have encountered feel like they have a bigger sense of entitlement than others, and pretty much reacts at anyone they disagree with in the most unhealthy manner (with some emotional blackmails thrown in there, too), to the point that the person becomes wearied and mentally and emotionally tortured by the end of it.

    A good example: I had this done to me by some lesbian who had designs on me then and thinks she could get her way by trying to “groom” me into liking her back, romantically. When I expressed how I couldn’t like her the way she liked me, she’d then turn into this person who feels like I’ve rejected her so badly and then proceed to go on hurling some disdaining remarks suddenly on my looks and then on my beliefs (she even asked where I stand on the marriage question here…and predictably, her demeanor worsened so that I’d be on a spot where I am really responsible for her guilt and hurt). I had seen through this nasty tactic from them but the good thing is that due to me being desensitised from the bullying through the years, I have learned to put on a tough skin right at their face to the point that I just stare at them with almost this apathy/poker face and with silence (to show to them hurt or anger would give them that little victory).

    And it’s just relieving to read that I haven’t been the only one feeling this way towards them whenever I express some disagreement with them that they take too personally and when I don’t give them the favours they all wanted.

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    • Katy Faust, a daughter of lesbians and the person who linked to this blog, appeared on QandA and Lateline (I think) so your assertion about the media in Australia is unfounded. It’s a bit rich coming from someone who doesn’t watch TV. Your encounter with a gay girl was certainly unfortunate but it’s ridiculous to think of all LGBT people this way. Yes, they get a lot of media coverage. Having a lot of support for an issue is only a positive thing but you seem to take it in a negative way unfortunately.

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  26. Laura, you are very, very misled… or maybe just camouflaging as naive. Were you listening? Your exchange with I Can’t Even is an illustration. I am embarrassed to be your fellow Australian. I Can’t Even is completely right. Australian media is so biased that it is sickening. The ABC Media Watch listed all the biases, on the very day when Katy Faust (this lady can hold her ground!) was on QandA (and was almost eaten alive by zealots – politicians(!!) calling her names and accusing her of speaking clap-trap). For example in the last several days there were 2 interviews aired with traditional family defenders, and 16(!) with pro -gay “marriage” proponents. LGBT movement is aggressive towards Christians (they don’t dare to touch Muslims who are also seriously opposed to homosexuality) and demand exceptional “rights” for themselves in the name of “equality” . I Can’t Even is totally perceptive. The current vote in Australia on allowing of adoption for gay couples is a disaster. They are going to create another “stolen” generation, (like with half-cast children of Aboriginal mothers, forcefully removed from them in the past in Australia, up until 1960ties). Our Prime-minister K. Rudd apologized to those stolen kids, but could he give them back their stolen lives? Gay people have zero right to other people’s children. Children have a right to be brought up by their mother and father. The child’s right is more important than the parent right- simply because the child is more vulnerable and the child will suffer more and longer! The adult has their childhood behind them, the are fully formed and more resilient. The Rent A Boy scandal was not even reported here much in Australia. How sad! The suffering of children is nothing to those people blinded by selfishness and lust. Good on you Brandi, and I Can’t Even, and Katie Faust. You are the voices of sanity and truth, don’t give up. There is enough sane people out there with common sense and a taste for truth, you are being listened to. What repulses you repulses most of humanity. Acceptance of wrong can not be imposed by law, only for a short time, maybe. But not on people’s consciences. There lives freedom and truth which will always win. Remember Solidarity? no one believed communism can fall so fast, and yet it did. Because it was built on lies.

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    • Ale, I have to reiterate yet again that I think taking away a child’s right to their biological mother and father is wrong and I am as angry about this as anyone. I’ve already said it a couple of times on this page, if you were reading. I tweeted Katy Faust saying she is the wrong kind of person to speak out about children’s rights. The reason is that her views come from a place of toxic hatred. She is against gay people rather than simply FOR children. It needs to be people who accept and respect people who are LGBTI. Otherwise it just looks like a hateful angry mob.

      Of course the media is biased towards people who are pro-LGBTI rights. They want to be on the right side of history just like any decent, understanding person. That’s something homophobic (remember – a phobia is an irrational fear) people sometimes forget – gay people are PEOPLE. Being gay is about love. With that, I’ve said all there is to say. If you don’t get that that’s what it’s about, I feel sorry for you. You people have more negativity than I can deal with on my own. I’ve done my bit. Goodbye.

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  27. This is a beautiful story, and I am so glad you shared it with us. While I do not know what it is like to grow up with gay/lesbian parents, I know what it is like to be shamed for simply expressing what you know to be true in your heart. For myself, I am a person attracted to the same sex, who has always believed that the best option for me is to marry someone of the opposite sex. Thus, I have been able to change in completely healthy ways, and I am so thankful that I have this alternative option. However, often I am way too ashamed to tell people that my attractions have changed significantly because I am afraid of the judgement that accompanies the idea of changing one’s orientation. Sometimes, I have been met with responses that indicate disgust…or, that I am simply not an intelligent human being. Or, of course, that I am a “bigot.” Well, I think what I am learning from your story is that hatred will never win. We need to respect each other, and that involves respecting our stories too. Blessings.

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    • Samuel, I’m not sure why I’m just now seeing your message. But it has come at such a good time. Today I received a message telling me to get therapy and grow up. Messages from people like yourself are always my favorite. It angers me that anyone who shares their story is shamed. I hope you can find the strength and courage to share your story because there are people out there that need to hear it. There are people out there that need to know that what you’ve done is possible and that there is happiness in it. Are you familiar with Josh Weed? We need more Josh’s and Samuel’s in the this world!

      Like

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